I know some of you are probably thinking my husband is a total pansy. What with the Bossy thing, and the rose/love note/laundry thing, and the goat wheelchair. People, those are just the things I wrote about. He is sweet and thoughtful and incredibly loyal, but he’s also a manly man. Can you say “complete package”? I certainly can. Like most manly men, he is an athlete. I’ll tell you a little about his current sport, and that is arm wrestling. Or maybe you’d like to call it wrist wrestling, and that would be just fine with me. In an awesome show of support, maybe your brother will get you an arm wrestling table for Christmas. Your wife will wonder where she’s supposed to put such a thing, because it doesn’t match her decor. However, she will be grateful that you and your friends stop using her antique drop-leaf table for impromptu matches. Peace will reign.
So how does one become an arm wrestler? I’ll give a little tutorial. Firstly, make friends with a guy who had a cameo in the film Over the Top, because even though he’s got a mullet in the movie, he can teach you a thing or two about arm wrestling. Plus, he’s got a picture of himself with Sylvester Stallone and that’s pretty cool. Unfortunately, I don’t have a copy of said picture, so we’ll have to use our imaginations.
No mullet at present, so we’re good.
Before too long, you’ll be learning all kinds of techniques like top rolling, applying back pressure, pulling in a hook, knowing when to go to a referee’s grip, and maybe even a crazy leg wrap. Although, that might be one of your own creations.
Babe? I had no idea you could bend that way.
You’ll need lots of practice, and for that you need arms. Lots of arms, attached to other people. Set about finding lots of suckers friends willing to gather each Saturday morning before sunrise for training.
This guy looks especially thrilled to be there.
Another thing to consider is weight class. You could do the easy thing and stay at your current weight, but according to the experts, it’s better to cut weight so you’ll be stronger and bigger than the competition. Your wife will surely suffer through your weight loss, but if she’s a good one, she’ll make you lots of salads and hide the pizza boxes, ice cream containers and candy wrappers at the bottom of the garbage can.
You’ll get to compete in tournaments, so be sure to invite friends and family to cheer you on. A bar can almost always be found at the back of the room, so there’s something for everybody, even your grandma. The arm wrestling community is amazingly supportive and friendly so go ahead and get to know some of the people you meet. Oh, and don’t forget to stay somewhere with a buffet so you can make up for lost time after weigh-ins.
Finally, always strive to beat your mentor at his sport.
He may beat you a thousand times, but one of these days, you’re going to get there!
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5 replies on “Armed and Dangerous”
WOW that was GREAT rick and i really liked it!!!
the pictures turned out great!!!
GOOD JOB
Holy. Smokes.
Thanks for the great picture.
I sense some sarcasm there, Mike. Technically, Jeremy took the picture (so blame him) but it conveys perfectly how I would feel if I had to go to the gym at dawn on a Saturday.
Rick is a nice guy, and i think we could have been terrific friends, if we hadn’t met in the fasion we did. Hell, I hope we can still be friends after I K.O. him in March. Let’s make this a good one Champ!