I drifted off to sleep last night, exhausted and looking forward to a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. I needed that sleep. I earned it and I deserved it, because I’ve been sick and there’s no number to call in for a sick day from motherhood, and I’m allowed to feel sorry for myself sometimes.
Whine, whine… can’t a woman just get a little sleep around here? Is that so much to ask? Apparently.
About 45 minutes in to what was going to be an amazing night of sleep, I felt a poke. It was Alison, telling me she’d just thrown up in her bed. On the sheets I had just washed, not 12 hours prior, and am I horrible that I thought that first before asking her if she was OK?
I helped her brush her teeth and change her clothes, and then I set about changing her sheets. Now, I’m a total rookie at middle-of-the-night puking, and I am pretty happy about that. Until last night, Alison had thrown up only one other time in her whole life.
So it took me awhile. And there were some mishaps involving my feet and hands going into places I didn’t realize had been soiled. But I stayed calm, loving and understanding because, after all, my little girl was sick! Eventually, I tucked her back in to her fresh sheets with a trash can by her bed and a Tupperware bowl by her pillow.
I said good night and went back to bed, naively thinking I was going to get some sleep. Instead, she called for me every 2 or 3 minutes, for almost three hours. I tried to channel my own mother, the one who would wipe my brow with a cool cloth and have never-ending patience with me whenever I was sick as a child. She later told me that taking care of us when we were sick was one of the things she absolutely hated the most in the world. But you never would have guessed it by her gentle demeanor.
I, on the other hand, was freaking frustrated, and tired. All I wanted was for her to go back to sleep and get some dang rest so that I could get some rest. I think maybe I would have had more patience if she had actually been throwing up, but she was just afraid she was going to throw up. And she wanted me to sleep on the floor by her bed. Where her throw up hand landed, only a short time before.
Is it because I haven’t slept through the night in over 16 months that I am so cranky, or is there some motherhood gene I’m missing, that I can’t be compassionate for more than an hour in the middle of the night?
I feel selfish and horrible, that I couldn’t just be what she needed: a mother who would stay in her room all night, lovingly stroking her brow.
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10 replies on “Try, Try Again”
You have more tolerance for that night stuff than I do! Birthing all these babies made me so freaking tired that I don’t think I’ll have that gentle, loving thing down until they don’t really need me at night anymore. But, that’s okay…I’ll just go back to sleep.
ok, i love you. i love that you blog what you feel and keep it real. you are not missing a gene – motherhood is hard and you do the best you can, some days you are going to be doing better than you ever thought you could, and other times you don’t live up to the level you want to. hang in there and hope she and you are feeling better.
Sounds like you handled it like a real champion. And you had the patience to stay up for three hours?
I don’t have the patience. All my children are in full size beds so that there is plenty of room for Mommmy. To sleep. If one wakes up in the night and needs company (thankfully getting rarer) I just kind of stumble from my bed into theirs. Of course, if there is puke involved I do clean it up first 😉
Hope she’s feeling better today and you can get a good long rest.
Parenting and being sick are decidedly incompatible.
Here’s wishing you lot of zzzzzzz’s
I sympathize with you my friend. Any mother who says she hasn’t felt the same way at one point or another isn’t being honest. I aggree with one of your readers about the idea of having at least a full size bed for your child if only for the type of night you just described. God also created fathers to help out when we need it, sometimes we’re just to stubborn to ask.
i’m with you. if i am tired i am cranky. that is all there is to it. i know it, and my family has finally learned it. i remember those days of being up so much in the night with sick kids. i could do it for a night or two, but if i started out sick or overly tired myself i wasn’t very good at it for sure.
I absolutely hate middle of the night parenting. Makes me grumpy and unhappy. Hoping you get a long, uninterruped night of sleep soon!
If middle-of-the-night patience is a gene, I didn’t get it either. I HATED going in to Little Man a gazillion times per night when he was smaller. Thankfully, this doesn’t happen so much any more. DOn’t be so hard on yourself (that’s rich, coming from me, isn’t it?)
I second Mama Ginger Tree.
I think you summed up my feelings pretty well! I aspire to be the comforting mom when my kiddos are sick (which is rare-so in my defense I haven’t had much practice). It just always seems to come at an inopportune time when I have had a rough week, tired, etc. I lack patience when I really could use some. I cried last week about doing 5 loads of laundry per throw up (we have those small european washers/dryers). Sad, huh?
I hope that your week gets better and that you can get your life back in order.