Forget Diamonds, Coffee is This Girl’s Best Friend

I’ve never liked coffee.  I don’t like the smell, or the bitter taste, or the way it sometimes gives me the trots.  So whenever I’ve needed a little pick-me-up, I’ve relied on Pepsi or Tea.

Only, these days Pepsi tastes like crap and upsets my stomach.  And Tea – well, Tea is fine when you’ve had 8 hours of sleep and need a little boost to get going.  But if you’re like me, and haven’t had a decent night of sleep in over 16 months, drinking Tea is like throwing a thimble of water on a roaring fire.  It doesn’t do a damn thing but piss off the fire, where fire = me.

Over the past few months I’ve tried experimenting with other energy drinks, but they either make me so jittery that I fit right in with the crank heads at Wal-Mart, or they have so many calories that I can’t eat for the rest of the day. 

Enter Starbucks with their non-trot inducing, non-stinky, non-bitter, fairly low-calorie Vanilla Frappuccino, available at every store in the country (and elsewhere in the world, I’m sure).

 
Oh, Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino.  I cover you in lipstick-laden kisses, if only so that no one else will try to drink you and face my wrath.

Since I’ve “discovered” coffee, I’ve been more productive, more patient, more attentive, more loving and, well, more awake, obviously.  In short, coffee makes me happy.  I’m sorry if I’ve ever rolled my eyes at you for saying that.  Forgive me, for I knew not what I was missing. 

The best part, I think, about my new best friend is that I can buy a case or a carton when I shop and then I don’t have to wait until I leave the house to have my pick-me-up.  I can drink it right at 4:30 am, when Blythe typically wakes up for the day, or I can drink it at 7:30 am, when my husband earns bonus points by letting me sleep in.  Sure, I’m still dead tired by 8 o’clock in the evening.  But I don’t have to fight the urge to rip my loved one’s heads off all day.

And that, my friends, is as close to perfection as I can get at the moment.