Alison goes to gymnastics on Monday evenings, and we all love everything about it. Except that (you knew there had to be something, right?) I have to keep Blythe occupied in a very small waiting area for an hour, dangerously close to her bedtime.
There are usually a few other siblings in the waiting area as well, and two in particular usually catch my eye. They are both around 3 years of age, and their moms are very obviously friends. Typically, the moms sit at the dividing wall, facing the gym, and the kids play, behind them. All very well and good, right? I’d be chatting with my friend too, if there was one around.
However. I had to draw the line on Monday and I tried to do it in the absolute best manner possible. What I got in return was out and out hostility.
Here’s the scene:
Blythe and I are playing on the little 4×4 rug that designates the “play area” of the waiting room. I see one of the moms open a huge tub of something for the two girls to share. Oh, crap! It’s popcorn. No matter, I’ll just make sure Blythe stays on this side of the very small waiting area.
The two girls play and eat, play and eat – and if you’ve ever seen little kids eat popcorn, every third or fourth kernel falls to the floor, where it gets ground up by their shoes. Oh well, right? I’ll really keep Blythe over here by me. But I do hope they’ll help the kids pick up that mess, for the gym’s sake.
Oh good! One of the moms told her daughter she needed to clean up the popcorn mess. So she runs past us, into the gym to get some paper towels. And then she runs back, forth, back, forth across the little rug at least ten times. Because: a three year old thinks that getting paper towels wet and then wiping down the bench IS cleaning up. Still, the two women don’t notice.
Sh*t, now the other little girl is in on the action. Back and forth, little shoes covered in popcorn are running across the little rug. I place Blythe on my lap, and hope she won’t squirm too much. Only 15 minutes to go.
Now the girls have noticed I got out goldfish crackers for Blythe, and they stand in front of us. They ask if they can share Blythe’s snack. I only brought a few, so I tell them that next time I’ll bring enough for everybody. They are cool with that, but now they want to sit with us and touch Blythe’s toys. Touch Blythe’s hands and legs and arms and face and head with their popcorn-covered hands, leaving bits of popcorn in their wake.
I start to panic. I get out Blythe’s bottle and tell the girls that Blythe is done playing. We leave the rug to sit on the only available bench, directly behind the two women, with Blythe on my lap. The little girls go tell their mommies that Blythe has only a small amount of snack (so nice of them, really). One mommy turns around to face me and smiles.
I say, “Are you the one who brought the popcorn?” in the nicest, friendliest way possible.
“No,” she replies, pointing to her friend, “would you like some?” again, so nice!
“Thank you so much, but no… my daughter is allergic.”
By this time, the other mom has turned to face me, as well.
“Do you think you could do me a favor?” I ask, in my sweetest, kindest voice, “Would you mind not bringing popcorn on Mondays? She’s allergic and now she can’t play, because there’s popcorn on the floor. I’m really sorry, I know it’s a pain, but it’s so tough to keep her occupied on my lap!”
Eye roll. Scowl. Huff and puff as she slams the lid closed on the popcorn container and barks at her kid to start picking up the popcorn.
“No, no! It’s OK, she’s already on my lap for the rest of today, don’t worry about it! I’m just asking for next time.”
Eye roll. Scowl. Huff and puff as she picks up handfuls of popcorn off the ground. No answer.
Then they have their girls sit next to them at the half wall, the bottoms of their little shoes pointing at me, revealing little bits of popcorn. I sort of smile.
The two women lean toward each other, whispering. Before, I could hear every word of their conversations, because they were talking over the noise of the gym. One of them turns completely toward her friend, her profile toward me.
Good thing I can read lips, huh? She said, “I know, what a bitch.”
So tell me, was I rude or reasonable?
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9 replies on “Rude or Reasonable?”
sounds reasonable to me. if i were those moms i would have felt terrible. because i let my kid make a mess and then put someone else in danger. but then again that’s just me. i certainly wouldn’t have called you a bitch. that makes no sense whatsoever!
You were not unreasonable at all!!! I’d be going to the gym director and trying to see what the policy is. You were just looking out for your daughter and if that makes you a bitch, then I’m one too!
I’ve been lurking around your blog for some time now. I usually don’t comment, but today I am going to. Short story, I had a party at my house with about 5 moms and twice as many kids. It was actually a “mommy” party, but since I knew some would have issues with childcare I turned it into a “mommy and me” party. One girl came to my party that I had only met twice previously and brought her nearly 2 year old son. He was the youngest at the party, the oldest being 5. As a snack I provided popcorn and juice for the kiddos. The young boy’s mom completely lost her cool and said “he hasn’t ever had popcorn!!!”. I offered her my entire stash of snacks, my cabinets are never bare, and she refused them all. She held him on her lap and let him scream because he wanted the popcorn and she didn’t want him to have it. Ok, ok, serious difference here between her not wanting him to eat something new and the fact that your child is ALLERGIC to popcorn, I totally get that, but myself and the others at the party felt like she made an a** of herself for acting that way. She went about it the wrong way. He screamed and she pouted and shot dirty looks my way the rest of the night. When she did let him down he drank out of every other kids cup and instead of apologizing to us, she accusingly stated “I hope none of your kids are sick, he just drank after all of them!” So, what does this have to do with your post? Simply this, those moms probably do not have a child with allergy issues and therefore do not understand the life threatening situation they can cause. Excuse them for their behavior, heck no, but perhaps you should take some print outs with you next week highlighting the dangers and offer this “I know that you both got upset at me last week because I asked that you not bring popcorn next time. My child’s life could very well be at risk and as a mother I would hope you could understand that. (give the handouts) If you want to bring popcorn I just ask that you limit your children to your immediate area so that I don’t have to worry about my child.” Then go to management and explain the situation to them and give them the handouts as well. The guest at my party had no real reason for not allowing her son to have the popcorn, she is just a very overprotective mother who is afraid her baby is growing up too soon, that’s not the case here. If her son had allergies I would have pulled the popcorn immediately and even ran the vacuum to make sure I got all the crumbs! Those mothers probably have no idea of the real danger their popcorn poses and that you aren’t just being a mother like the one at my party who doesn’t want their child to try something new! I say inform them, and if they still act like little witches then take it a step further and request that management step in and help out!
Sounds beyond reasonable to me. I love the little beggars wanting their share of B’s snack.
If their kid was the one with the allergy I’m sure they’d see things quite differently. But even still, even if there was no allergy to be concerned about – ladies: teach your kids some manners and how to act in public.
Don’t get me wrong, P is two and therefore is defined by her latest mess. She’s a hurricane when it comes to eating. I know this and make sure to accommodate this if we’re snacking outside our normal zone. Can you imagine what their homes must look like? No, cause they would never let the kids act that way somewhere THEY had to clean up.
Yuck yuck and yuck. You were more than reasonable – far more than I probably would have been.
More than anything, I’m so sad for B – popcorn is one of my favorite things! Poor baby!
obviously i feel you were reasonable and they were rude. however, i think the key might have been to say something the MINUTE the popcorn came out on the floor, b/c it wouldn’t have given them the opportunity to say to themselves, why didn’t she say something right away ??
Not unreasonable at all. I think parents whose kids don’t have allergies just don’t get it. So you are a bitch for looking out for your child? I don’t think so.
You were right. People that are not sensitive to dangerous allergies make me want to stick a fork in my eye. I have so many friends that have kids with food allergies that I always ask and I hope that my friends would say that I’m sensitive to it. I would definitely give the article to the gym director. She’ll probably be more sensitive to the issue because of ‘lawsuit’ possibilities.
Don’t let it get you down, some people get defensive no matter how politely you make a request. I would definitely respect this problem if it were me. In fact, I probably ought to think more carefully about the snacks I take everywhere for my kids. I bring peanut butter bars a lot.
What a bunch of B-I’s.
You were nicer than I would have been. Snatch-heads.