For Spite

Alternately titled:

I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST POSTED PHOTOS OF MYSELF IN A SWIMSUIT ON THE INTERNET

A few weeks ago I was chucking along on the treadmill at the gym when I overheard the following conversation:

Blonde: “Yeah, so, I’m kinda like thinking about entering that fitness competition?  And so I was, ya know, looking it up on the website?  And then I was all, O-M-G, the age cut off for my class is, like, THIRTY-FIVE.”

Brunette: “OH MY GOD.  AS IF.”

**insert hysterical laughter**

Dre: **rolls her eyes and ups the speed on her treadmill**

Blonde:  “Oh my god, I know, right?  Like, there is no way someone in their thirties could compete with this.”  **Flambouyantly gestures to herself**

Dre:  **physically restrains herself from cutting a twenty-something bitch with a water bottle cut into a shiv**

————

So, purely for spite, this thirty-something woman is starting a 10-week fitness training regimen to get myself ready for competition, where I plan to kick some twenty-something ass.

Don’t worry, lovelies, it’s not a body building competition.  I would never, ever do that to my body.  It’s a “Women’s Figure Competition” which is quite different, in that the women still look like women, not dudes with breast implants.*

Each weekend I plan to update my progress here and answer any questions that come in through the week, so ask away.

Keep in mind that I reserve the right to chicken out.  You prance around in a swimsuit in front of thousands of people, and then give me shit for changing my mind.  I also reserve the right to decide that Women’s Figure Competitions are completely lame.

THE BEFORE SHOTS:

*I am very sorry if you are a woman body builder and I offended you.  It’s just not my thing.  Please don’t hurt me.