This is very hard for me to say, but here I go.
My daughter is two different people. Her self, and her other self.
One of them, the one I feel is the real Blythe, is sweet, loving, charismatic, smart and articulate. She is so incredibly amazing, and when I see her, when I spend time with her… I just can’t get enough. I am so in love with her.
The other one, though. This is so hard for me to admit thinking about my own child. The other one is a child I don’t like very much. When I see the signs of her eminent arrival, I start to feel a little sick inside.
The thing about it, is when that other child takes over, I know my baby girl is in there, somewhere, fighting to get out. It’s for her that I have patience with the other child when she appears. It’s for her that I don’t give up. I fight for her as long as it takes, and when I see the real Blythe emerging, I know that everything I do is worth it.
Have you ever seen The Exorcist? Well, it’s kind of like that, only without quite so much gore.
Over the past couple of years, doctors and various types of therapists have listed the different diagnoses they would have given Blythe, had they only seen her as her other self.
A few:
- Bipolar Disorder. Autism. ADHD. ADD. Early Onset Schizophrenia. Psychosis. And, yes, even Demonic Possession.
Since Blythe stopped being exposed to meth in early October, I’ve seen that other child a lot less often. In fact, I haven’t seen her in over a month, and even then she stayed a very short time and wasn’t really all that awful.
It was the marked improvement in her health as well as the decrease in visits from the other child that prompted me to look into whether or not meth exposure could be responsible for Blythe’s “issues”.
What I found, in doing that research, is that most children who are exposed to meth are like Blythe’s other self all the time, and I couldn’t find any information on how to help them to get better. It’s so sad to think about those kids, who never get to be their real selves. They are trapped inside those other personalities, fighting to get out, just like Blythe was.
They are the reason I’m committed to writing about our experience with meth exposure. It’s for them that I’ll post everything I possibly can about what worked for Blythe, even though at the time I didn’t realize I was dealing with a meth exposed child. If even one child benefits from her story, it will be worth the effort.
Every child deserves a chance to be who they are… not what meth exposure made them.
12 replies on “Self and Other Self”
The last line just killed me. I am bawling here. I just left Gigi for a week with a respite family to give us a break from the screaming. Thank you for writing this.
I hope your stories get shared. I hope the best for you and your baby girls.
You are her advocate. Speaking for Blythe until the day comes when she finds the same strength in her voice that you have in yours, you are healing both of you by speaking for her
Speak loud and proud. You are her voice, her advocate. You helped her, stood up for her, fought for her, even when you didn’t know what you were fighting. Sharing her story, your story will help others I just know it. It kills me to think of kids out there who trapped inside their heads, who can’t be themselves. They deserve a voice, an advocate. Blythe is lucky to have such an amazing mom.
Dear sweet Dre. I am so happy that you are seeing less and less of the other child. My wish is that one day she will never be anymore. I hope that one day Blythe will be able to be happy and carefree and not worry about her other self.
You are doing such a great advocating for her and I hope that through this that others find their other children who are trapped because of meth exposure.
(((Hugs)))
Thank you for your honesty. Parents of mentally ill &/or disabled children are often left without a voice – scared to share the dark days. It can be so exhausting.
I did want to ask if you can share more about how a child might get exposed to meth. Are they getting into a drug stash somehow? Second hand smoke?
In peace,
Bella
@Bella, I plan to go into the details of how Blythe, specifically, was exposed to meth in an upcoming post – not to dodge the question! It’s just a lot of information.
With each child, the exposure is a little different based on the circumstances and environment. Second hand smoke is definitely an issue, if the meth is being smoked. Meth labs are also a huge problem, as is prenatal exposure.
The biggest problem with meth is that the chemicals involved in its manufacture are so extremely toxic, transfer very easily from one surface to the next, and remain toxic when they come out of the user’s pores.
I promise I’ll go into detail about this, soon! Thank you so much for asking.
~Dre
I am so happy you are seeing the Blythe she herself must be so happy about being. I too am curious about her meth exposure. This must make you feel so proud of yourself to have left that horrible situation.
You are so full of strength and your babies will look up to you so proud when they get older. I hoe your story helps alot of babies and children out there. Thank you for sharing. Hugs
I think you’re doing exactly what you should be doing. I’m sorry she OR you has to go through any of this.
One of the most painful things a parent can ever do is be honest with themselves (let alone the world) about the ‘imperfections’ in our children. For some, it’s easy to diagnose, it’s physical, something that can be seen and easily treated; for others, it’s so much harder and it becomes a kind of hell.
Dre, it takes a tremendous amount of heart and big pair of balls to share your story. As a former child of addicts and a mother who removed her own children from a dangerous addictive situation, I simply want to say…Well done.
I keep telling you how strong and amazing you are. It is no less true, now. Telling your story is brave. Good for you for putting it out there. <3