I find myself sitting in muted silence.
No white noise, no static, no background music.
For someone who has always found comfort in words, the silence is sometimes deafening.
Have I disappeared from your life?
Most likely so, and I apologize. I’m still here. I still observe, listen, read. But so often, I can’t find the words to join in the conversation.
It’s hard to explain the changes I’ve gone through. Harder, still, to introduce people to the person I’ve become. I’m still me, and yet I’m not.
For the most part, I’m somebody better than I was.
There’s this fluff that we carry around with us, over the top of who we are at our very core. It shields us and gives us a buffer between our most bare, essential selves and the world around us.
I feel like I’ve lost mine. Or, to be more precise, I’ve torn it off and set it ablaze.
I had a life that I loved, and it turned out that nothing about it was what I thought it was. My carefully made plans, my hopes and dreams, all had to be released like balloons floating off into the distance.
It’s amazing to discover the person I’ve become, and to create a new life with new dreams, but I feel vulnerable.
I’m starting over as my truest, most authentic self.
And I have nothing to hide behind.
10 replies on “Muted”
Major life change is majorly hard…and sometimes it requires leaving places and people behind whether we like it or not. It’s just the way it is. Being true to yourself sometimes has to trump anything else, you know?
It’s scary to feel like there’s nothing to hide behind. I admire your bravery in taking the steps you need to take. (((HUGS)))
Silent or active – we always welcome the authentic you! None of us want you to hide and we eagerly welcome the chance to get to know the new you.
You know that I know exactly what you mean. I’m glad I’ve been able to be a friend while you’ve been changing.
SILENCE is makes you think, whats on my mind..
There’s no permanent in this world but change. But see to it it’s for the better.
It’s true that changes sometime’s requires a lot but we have to be positive on how we are going to deal with it.
Haven’t forgotten you. I actually think of you often, knowing that you’re on the other side of the country transforming into a beautiful butterfly waiting to fly. I can’t wait to be introduced to the person you’ve become!
I’m still here, and still listening. Change is hard and you’ll get your words back when you need them. You’ve done some hard work and I think it’s ok to sit and let it all sink in for a while. xo
Wish you and your girls a happy new year. May it be a good year for y’all.
Curious about how you and your girls are doing. Are allergies better?