It’s been six months since Blythe was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder.
She’s made incredible progress. A few set-backs, to be sure, but mostly progress.
I just realized today that I haven’t been taking advantage of all the resources available to me, to help her. And in that discovery I was smacked in the face with something my best friend told me many, many years ago.
When things get tough, I invert. I do things by myself. I don’t ask for help. I reinvent the wheel when there’s a perfectly good one sitting 10 feet away.
Why do I have to keep learning this lesson?
I let myself get so overwhelmed by the heaviness of it all, never asking for help until I’m being crushed into the ground, like Atlas.
Why am I so afraid of letting others help me, or in this case, my daughter?
Why haven’t I connected with the many people who have offered support with Blythe’s special needs?
Why didn’t I assume there was a website dedicated to clothing for kids with SPD (many thanks to Heather for the link)? So many simple solutions to problems we face every day. Why didn’t I at least do a quick internet search?
Why did I take it upon myself to research every possible preschool for Blythe, instead of calling our county’s office of education for recommendations?
Why haven’t I hired a housekeeper?
Because I do things myself. Even if life around here would have been a hundred times more pleasant for the past six months, had I just reached out for some support.
Why haven’t I learned to ask for help? Or at least learned to gracefully accept it, when it’s offered.
Every time I re-learn this lesson, I want to give myself a swift kick in the ass.
6 replies on “Ostrich”
If you’re like me, I can tell you why.
1. It’s hard to admit you don’t know everything.
2. It’s hard to let go and give up control of any aspect of your life.
3. It’s hard to admit we’re not perfect. Society tells us we should be. But we’re not.
That perfect mom doesn’t exist. However, nobody ever tells us it’s ok to fail. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to reach out. And when you do? Amazing things happen.
xoxo
It’s OK. You know what? I truly believe there is a place we all have to get to…it’s that place between complete anguish (at diagnosis) and wanting the grass to be greener. And when you realize it’s OK to be not OK, life turns up a bit. It’s true. I don’t ask for help either. It’s a character flaw! 🙂
You’re doing fine…it took me 6 months to stop crying every time I looked at Jack, so I think you’re doing awesome!
That is good that we are able to get the loan moreover, it opens new opportunities.
Vulnerability is hard. We all resist it. Do not be too hard on yourself. And call that dang housekeeper girl. It will be one of the best things you ever did for yourself!!!
I can see that you are putting a lot of time and effort into your blog and detailed articles! I am deeply in love with every single piece of information you post here (there are not many quality blogs left .
I do this too.
As mothers, sometimes it seems easiest to get the answers yourself, even when we don’t have the energy, time, or resources. It is hard to let anyone else be responsible for information that is going to affect your family.