The One

Jeremy and I dated for five years before we got married.  There were a lot of reasons behind the decision to wait.  One of them was a statement I made when we had been dating for about a year, that I didn’t want to get married until I was done with college.  Did I know it would take me a full seven years to get my degree?  No, I did not. 

But it worked out for the best.  Our relationship wasn’t ready until then.  Don’t get me wrong, we knew we loved each other.  We even knew we wanted to spend our lives together.  We just… weren’t ready for the big leagues. 

I have young women ask me fairly often how I knew Jeremy was “the one” for me.  It’s not an easy answer, but it starts with the way I felt about myself when I was around him, even before we started dating.  As our relationship progressed, it became a question of whether or not our core beliefs could not only survive together, but flourish. 

One thing I always try to point out is that people don’t change who they are.  Their behaviors can waiver, certainly, but even those change only with hard work or a major life event (or both).  Communication is so important.  Many people say that, because it’s true.  The way someone communicates (or doesn’t) can make or break a relationship.

Over the last ten years, we’ve grown our relationship to be what it is.  It didn’t happen over night, we worked to create a cohesive marriage.  We’ve found that we love each other more now than we did in those early times, more than when we got married, even, mainly because of our growth together. 

Does he still leave his stinky socks on the bathroom floor?  Occasionally.  But it doesn’t bother me, because he kisses my neck while I do the dishes.  He listens to what I have to say.  When I’m hormonal, he treats me with extra tenderness.  He enjoys my company and would rather be with me than hanging out in a bar.  But that’s now. 

Good relationships don’t just happen.  And even the best of them go through rough times.  It won’t always be smooth sailing, but you’ve got to work to get to those calm waters.  You must appreciate, enjoy, love each other every day, even when you’d rather not.