When I found out via ultrasound that we were having a second girl, I actually cried. I envisioned the fights and the hatred and all the ways it would be difficult for me to show each of my daughters that they are special, and have them believe me.
I promised myself I wouldn’t play favorites. But then, as is often the case, it’s easier to do in theory than in practice. I don’t play favorites with my love – that is unconditional. But what I’ve come to realize is that each of them is going to go through phases of their lives where they are just more desirable to be around.
Right now, at 14 months, Blythe is in the most amazing stage where her personality is blossoming. Every day she emerges a little more, and I want to eat her up. Toward the end of each day I think Alison might backhand me if I say, “Look! Your sister is…” one more time. I can’t help it, because she’s just so stinkin’ cute, and most of the time there’s no one else around to elbow.
It’s not that Blythe is my favorite child, per se. It’s just that I’d rather watch her shake her booty or hear her say, “Tane-choo!” (thank you) than be bossed around by an eye-rolling four year old who has no patience.
Alison has many, many redeeming qualities. More than I could possibly count. But at this very moment in their lives, it’s Blythe’s turn. I’m sure as Blythe learns how to throw temper tantrums and refuse to nap, Alison will step right back into the limelight.
OK, so I admit, I have a favorite. Today. Tomorrow, it may change. All I can hope is that they each get their fare share of time to shine. And hey, Alison has a whole 3 1/2 years of being the constant favorite saved up. That should count for something, right?
If you are a parent, do you feel the same way, or are you Even-Steven with all your kids?
* Edited to add: Lest anyone think Alison is treated like the red-headed step child around here, let me just say there’s no way. She’s my partner in crime, and I spend more time playing with her than doing anything else. *
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10 replies on “Brutally Honest Monday: The Sibling Rivalry Edition”
I also have two daughters; they are 12 and 17. I never had a favorite, but they were each different in demanding my time and attention. You just need to follow the lead in what they seem to need from you, and be flexible in responding to how their personalities develop.
It’s a process–and only our intuition and their responses to us can truly guide us. (That is until they reach 17, at that point, just stand back and hope that the foundation you laid was strong enough to withstand their rebellion.)
Laura (http://www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com)
I have 3 daughters: ages 16, 24, and 26!
There are times I feel the same way, my 2 year old is doing such funny and cute 2 year old things. I had a little discussion with my older daughter (6) that when she was Mini’s age, we laughed at her silliness the same way. I love both of my children, but I agree, some days you just want to eat up that little 2 year old phase. The attitude and goofy stuff that the 6 year old does, is not cute but crass and annoying sometimes. Each child is in their own phase and I want to enjoy the enjoyable parts of each.
Since I am not a mother yet, I have no idea how I would respond to this. I imagine it would be hard to be totally equal all the time, but I think I would try to be that way.
Gah. Totally get what you’re saying. TOTALLY. You just have the balls to say it and I don’t. :0)
This may sound dumb, but our dog Rigby is a huge part of our family to the point where we call her our “dogger.” Anyway, she has gotten way less attention since our daughter arrived, and Heather and I feel guilty. Poor dog.
I don’t think there is anyway to be totally even-steven all the time. One of my older daughters used to say to me “why are you always happy at him and not at us?” “Him” being their little brother. I wanted to say “because HE is not driving me nuts like you are right now!!”
It is hard to explain to them that they each have turns in the favorite spot. I feel like I encourage the sibling rivalry sometimes when I compliment one, but not the others. I could go on and on. Great post.
I definitely can relate. My girls are almost 5 & 20 months. The younger just has those magical moments and I can see her big sis needing some extra attention.
I remind her I was doting on her the same way when she was that age.
Oh my gosh yes. At the moment, like you, I am always telling me almost three year olds, look at the baby, he’s so cute, he’s standing, he’s… It’s gotten to the point that they pretend to be babies and want me to clap when they stand! But, just like you said, they get plenty of attention. It’s hard to try and make it even. All you can do is love them for their unique personalities!
I think you explained this real well. Just like most people have their moments, so do kids. I know that you love your 4 year old very much because there is no way that she could have been reading a book at age four if it wasn’t encouraged at home. Good work Mom!