Category: Parenting

Categories
Parenting

Title? What Title?

Tomorrow Alison goes back to school, after three weeks of Winter Break.

I know a lot of people yearn for the time that break ends, but I love spending the day just doing whatever the hell we please.

I haven’t had as much time to get work done, my house has been messy more than it’s been clean, I thought my head might explode from the whining on occasion, but for the most part, the past three weeks have been delightful.

We have lived in our jammies.  We made arts and crafts and watched television.

We have eaten at odd times, discovered new ways to make old recipes, and danced in the kitchen.

We didn’t go anywhere special or do anything terribly important, but all of us are healthy and happy.  (Other than the few days where I had raging PMS, but that’s a post for another day.)

Tomorrow we will begin our day with structure, hurry to get places on time, and wear real clothes.  We’ll struggle to enforce bedtime and supervise homework over the “I don’t wanna” cries.

Once again, I’ll treasure my mornings alone with Blythe, get my office organized, and catch up on cleaning.  I’ll make real meals and keep a tight schedule and probably start drinking coffee again.  And wine, too, if I’m being entirely honest.

I’ll miss these lazy days.

Categories
Allergies Health and Nutrition Kids Parenting

Recovery

Blythe has been home from the hospital for over two weeks now.

She’s much better, physically.  Emotionally, she and I are both still feeling pretty raw.

She’s been having nightmares about the hospital. 

When she was there, bad things happened when she went to sleep.  And so, even though she’s home and safe, she fights sleep with all her might.

Her first few nights home, she woke up screaming every few hours, and managed to lose her voice. 

Lately, she’s been asking us to “stay” at bedtime.  And so we do.

We stay up half the night, and then wake up a couple of hours later when she crawls into bed with us.

We snuggle her and tell her she’s home, and safe. 

*****

I dream, too. 

My dreams are so vivid, that I wake up unable to breathe.

I’m afraid. 

I wish I could say I’m not, but I am. 

Today, I feel incapable of protecting my daughter. 

I try so very, very hard. 

But danger – whether it be in the form of corn or a virus – lurks everywhere.

I am overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what we’re fighting against.

It’s us against the world, it seems, and I’m so scared.

Terrified, really.

She’s my baby, and she’s counting on me to keep her safe.

But what happens if I can’t?

The answer to that question… it taunts me in my dreams.

Categories
Kids Letters Parenting

On Your Sixth Birthday

My darling Alison,

You were born in the caul on a blustery Tuesday morning at 4:47 A.M, six years ago.

Six whole years ago, you came into my life.



How I love you, my first born.  More than you could imagine.  More than you’ll ever know. 

The moment I saw your face, I changed forever.  

You held my heart in your hands, and there it remains.  There it will always be.



You made me a mother, and I am determined to make you as proud of me as I am of you.



I cherish everything about you.  Do you know how I memorize your face as you dream?

You are the sun and the moon and the stars, and every little thing in between.  

You are my everything; my student, my teacher.

 

For you, I wish all the things your little mind can imagine.



I love you, today and every day, my shining star.

All my love, forever…

Mama

**Edited to add: 
After reading this letter, Alison wrote me a letter on my computer:

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH SO DEEP IN MY HEART MOMMY. LOVE, ALISON.



*All photos courtesy of Kelly Roberts, who has an amazing ability to capture my child’s essence.*

Categories
Kids Parenting

By the Light of the Moon

I crept into her room by the light of the moon.

In her ear I whispered, “Don’t ever leave me, baby”.

She breathed deeply.

She sighed.

I pressed my lips upon her forehead.

Her tiny fingers wrapped around my hand.

Finally, she sleeps through the night. 

Two and a half years of waking, and she sleeps.

But I wake.  And I wander. 

I breathe in her smell and lay my head on her pillow.

I brush my lips across hers.

I pray.  Lately I don’t pray much.  But over her, I do.

“Please God, be with my baby girls.  Keep them safe.”

And He does. 

By the light of day, they run and laugh and quarrel.

From one sunrise to the next. 

And by the light of the moon, I watch them dream.

Categories
Allergies Health and Nutrition Parenting Special Needs

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate

The last time Blythe received vaccinations, she was 5 months old.

Her body reacted so severely, so horribly – she has never been the same.  Her pediatric allergist has confirmed that her food allergies were triggered by those vaccinations, and she continues to avoid all immunizations based on his recommendation.

However.

We are discussing a plan to immunize Blythe against H1N1.

There are risks associated with administering the vaccination, yes, including the (remote) possibility of developing Guillain-Barre Syndrome.  But based on her medical history, between her asthma and compromised immune system, she is at severe risk of developing what the medical community likes to call “complications” if she were to contract H1N1. 

And so we try to decide between:

a factor we can control, which would be to administer the vaccination for H1N1 in her pediatric allergist’s office, with a plan in place, of course, should she have a reaction.  I would plan to stay home with her for five days following the immunization, to give her system time to recoup; 

~or~

a factor we cannot control, which would be to take our chances and hope she doesn’t contract H1N1 – or, if she were to be exposed, hope beyond all hope that she wouldn’t have any complications.

Go ahead and read between the lines with that word: complications.

I have.  My heart skips a beat every time I hear about another child developing complications from H1N1, most of whom have pre-existing conditions.  Exactly like Blythe.  Many of those parents have lost their children to complications.  That sentence, alone, terrifies me beyond comprehension.  

It’s a difficult decision to make, one I wish I didn’t have to make, but such is life. 

Sometimes, choosing the lesser of two evils just has to be good enough to get us through the night.