Category: Parenting

Categories
Parenting Special Needs

Findings and Failures

I’ve been immersed in information.

Sensory Processing Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, recommended therapies, parenting styles for special needs children, how to handle highly sensitive kids, the best route to social integration.

I’m trying so hard to remain positive.  The truth of the matter is, Blythe is already improving, thanks to her wonderful, amazing, -insert a million positive adjectives here- therapist.  Last week she touched a feather boa!  Touched it!  Willingly!  I can’t tell you what a huge step that is for her.

I have so much hope for the future.

And yet, I’m also angry.  Resentful, even.

Blythe has a lump on her head.  A lump I noticed when she was about 3 months of age and pointed out to her pediatrician – the same doctor who blatantly ignored Blythe’s food allergies – the one assigned to us by the (expletive) HMO we had.  She told me it wasn’t a lump, it just felt like one because she had a flat spot in front of it.  She suggested we get a sleep positioner and encourage tummy time.

Ok.  Done.

She was wrong.  It’s a lump of Cerebrospinal Fluid, located between her skull and her scalp.  It’s the reason she won’t let us touch her head, why she cries when I attempt to brush her hair, why she screams when I reach for the shampoo bottle.  It’s the reason for a lot of things.

I’m angry because that (expletive) HMO, and that pediatrician failed my daughter.  Repeatedly FAILED. 

And she has SUFFERED because of those failures.  Her food allergies, her gastro-intestinal problems, the LUMP ON HER HEAD. 

FAIL, FAIL, FAIL. 

Until two weeks ago, Blythe had only slept through the night a handful of times.  Most nights, she’d wake up crying at least twice, but sometimes four or five times.  That’s over 2 years of horrible sleep, for both of us.

Since we’ve started the physical therapy for her lump and her upper GI tract (daily massage) she has only woken up crying once.  Two weeks worth of amazing, wonderful, sleep.  Oh, the joy.  But that’s sleep we could have been getting a long time ago if only the people we trusted to treat our daughter hadn’t failed her.  FAILED!

My child has suffered through what I can only assume are terrible headaches and belly pain, almost every night of her life. 

My baby.  Suffered.  Almost every night of her life. 

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I feel as though I’ve failed her, too.  But I am not a medical professional, I am a mother just trying to help her daughter to be well.  Is that so much to ask?

With all this talk of health care reform, I don’t know what the future holds.  What I do know is, people deserve decent care from their doctors.  That (expletive) HMO we belonged to was great for routine care.  But for someone with special needs? 

Failure, ignorance, and a horrible attitude.

I begged them to help me find out what was wrong with my baby.  We saw every available doctor in the facility, trying to find someone who could tell us something.  They would look at her chart and confirm the previous doctor’s diagnosis, sometimes without even looking at Blythe.

They wouldn’t even look at her.

I don’t care how cheap it is, I will never entrust my family’s care to that kind of organization, ever again.  I will pay the $1000 per month health insurance, even if I have to sell everything I own, because my daughter deserves real help.

No one should be made to suffer because of lack of decent health care. 

Especially not my sweet little girl. 

Categories
Kids Parenting Teaching

What a Day

*Oops, I forgot to publish this on Tuesday.  See?  What a day.*

Three day weekends are great and all, but if Tuesday mornings end up being like this, I’d rather just skip the holiday, thank you very much.

Warning!  Bitch session begins in 3…2…1:

Last night I had a little crying bout, probably because I *ahem* went off my meds without permission and felt the need to keep Jeremy up until midnight talking about my emotional issues.  He was great about it, truly.  And when he started snoring I stopped talking.  Eventually.

This morning my alarm *somehow* got shut off and I slept, all cozy and warm, until 15 minutes after the kids were supposed to be up.  Why is it they’re up at 5 am on Saturday, but they sleep in on weekdays when I need them to get me out of bed on time? 

I put in a movie and threw food at them so that I could hop in the shower.  Of course I had to shave because it’s a teaching day for me, which means a skirt.  And no, I won’t go hairy just because they’re preschoolers.  They have a knack for not only noticing things like hairy legs and armpits, but also for asking questions about them. 

Imagine this: “Hey Teacha?  Why you legs got prickles?  My mommy doesn’t got those, but my daddy does.  Teacha, are you a boy?”  Only 20 times and with a lot more snot.

Finally washed and shaved, I was getting dressed when Alison announced that Blythe pooped.  She’s potty trained, so I wasn’t too worried until Blythe came in with her little sad face and said, “I had uh assident, mommy” and pointed at the poop all down her leg.

Clean clean clean… wipe wipe wipe. 

And where did she poop?  On the floor of her room, naturally.  Glance at the clock.  Holy crap, cleancleanclean-wipewipewipe.

Alison wanted her hair pink today, so I coated her ponytail with that spray on stuff for Halloween, because I am just the coolest mom on the planet. Of course once we arrived at school, Alison realized other kids were going to *gasp* notice!  And talk to her!  Because she had pink hair! 

So I had to clean it off, and it’s not like we were early or even on time at that point.

I arrived at work only a couple of minutes late, and only a little bedraggled, and ready to face the day.  Until now I’ve somehow avoided having to take the entire 2 year old class to the bathroom for a potty break, but, hey! today was as good a day as any to break me in.  

Let me just say, dealing with my own kids’ poop is one thing – but other kids?  I seriously had a hard time not gagging.  Multiple wet pants, lots of hand washing, and I accidentally left one kid behind when we went back to class.

All three of my classes today were out of freaking control.  What is it about 3 day weekends that makes kids act like complete maniacs? 

Hmmmm.  Maybe it’s because their mom put on a movie and threw random food at them this morning, so that she could take a shower….

Categories
Kids Parenting

Back to Life, Back to Reality *Updated*

It’s Alison first day of First Grade.

I woke up after only two! hits of the snooze button, and didn’t let the discovery of an enormous zit on my face send me back to bed, as it would have if I were the one returning to school.

Because, you know, it wouldn’t be the first day of school without an eruption from Mount Vesuvius.

Blythe and I got ready quickly and excitedly, but Alison refused to get out of bed.

REFUSED.

I had to promise her multiple treats.  A smoothie on the way.  A sucker after.  My left kidney.

I had to inform her that I would go to jail if she played hooky.  Yes, California is that serious about their test scores.

I had to dress her.  Which was about as fun as dressing a jelly fish.

I had to hold her down to run a comb through her hair.

I had to look at this face. 



And smile encouragingly.

I had to trust that having her best friend in her class again this year would be enough to get her through the day.



I had to say goodbye, even though tears were streaming down her face and she was clinging to me for dear life.

I had to turn and walk away.

Knowing that she might cry now, but soon, she is going to be loving school just as she did last year.

I hope.

* Edited to add: It’s day 3, and she continues to drag her feet on our way to school, and clings to me at drop-off.  However, once the day gets started she has a blast and is happy at pick-up. Babysteps!

Categories
Life in general Parenting

Snooze

It’s that time of year. 

The time when we have to start waking up on time.  To get somewhere, on time.

I decided that we’d spend this week getting used to the new (old) schedule so that when school starts next Monday, it wouldn’t be a shocker.

I’ve been setting my alarm at 6:30, so that I can be up, showered, and ready with breakfast on the table when I wake the kids up at 7:15.  So that I can get them up, ready, and out the door by 8:00.

How is it going, you ask?

Well, apparently I like playing this game called “snooze”.  Where I try to see how many times I can hit snooze before Blythe wakes up for the day.  And in that game, I  am able to immediately return to sleep between beeps of the alarm.

Even though, every time I’m woken up all damn night, whether by Alison or Blythe or the dogs or the cats or some cricket chirping like its performing an opera, it takes me a full hour to get back to sleep.

Right now, it’s 9:45 am on Friday.  I’m in my pajamas.  Blythe is nekkid.  Alison is still sleeping.

No one has had breakfast.

I hope no one minds if we all show up in pajamas on Monday.  Possibly two hours late, and hungry.

Categories
Life in general Marriage Parenting

Kiss and Say Goodbye

I mentioned previously that my husband lost his Father at a very early age.

What I didn’t tell you is that his father committed suicide.

One day, he just didn’t feel like living anymore.

He and his wife, my husband’s Mother, had split up and filed for divorce.

They talked about reconciling.  But it didn’t happen.

Two days before he died, he bought a single track record by the Manhattans, entitled, “Kiss and Say Goodbye”.  He listened to it over, and over, and over.

I have this record in my possession.  I fondle it sometimes, and I wonder. 

I wonder what life would be like if he’d pulled himself through.  If he’d just gotten past that difficult time in his life and decided to stick around for the two little boys he left behind.  I wonder what kind of man he would have grown into.  I wonder what kind of Father he would have been.

I’ve never listened to the record, and neither has my husband.  We just can’t. 

We can’t.  Because it’s been so many years, and life…. well, life has to go on.

Here are the lyrics to that song.  While I don’t know the melody that accompanies them, they haunt me.

At the same time, I’m so glad he took a moment to say good-bye.

Manhattans – Kiss And Say Goodbye Lyrics
Album: Best Of-Kiss & Say Goodbye

This has got to be the saddest day of my life
I called you here today for a bit of bad news
I won’t be able to see you anymore
Because of my obligations, and the ties that you have
We’ve been meeting here everyday
And since this is our last day together
I wanna hold you just one more time
When you turn and walk away, don’t look back
I wanna remember you just like this
Let’s just kiss and say goodbye

I had to meet you here today
There’s just so many things to say
Please don’t stop me ’til I’m through
This is something I hate to do
We’ve been meeting here so long
I guess what we’ve done, oh was wrong
Please darlin’, don’t you cry
Let’s just kiss and say goodbye (Goodbye!)

Many months have passed us by
(I’m gonna miss you)
I’m gonna miss you, I can’t lie
(I’m gonna miss you)
I’ve got ties, and so do you
I just think this is the thing to do
It’s gonna hurt me, I can’t lie
Maybe you’ll meet, you’ll meet another guy
Understand me, won’t you try, try, try, try, try, try, try
Let’s just kiss and say goodbye (Goodbye!)

Hmmmm
(I’m gonna miss you)
I’m gonna miss you, I can’t lie
(I’m gonna miss you)
Understand me, won’t you try
(I’m gonna miss you)
It’s gonna hurt me, I can’t lie
(I’m gonna miss you)
Take my handkerchief and wipe your eyes
(I’m gonna miss you)
Maybe you’ll find, you’ll find another guy
(I’m gonna miss you)
Let’s kiss and say goodbye, pretty baby
(I’m gonna miss you)
Please, don’t you cry
(I’m gonna miss you)
Understand me, won’t you try
(I’m gonna miss you)
Let’s just kiss and say goodbye



Good-bye, Wayne.  Your son has grown into such a wonderful man.  You would be proud.