I’ve been off my meds for six whole days now – and while I’ve had a few rough moments, I am happy to report that my real self is shining through. ——- Janice: Well, I guess that’s two out of three… Joey. Hahahahahahahaha.
I smile more. I laugh more. I love more.
That being said, now that my brain isn’t so fuzzy, I’ve been looking back at myself over the past few months and I hate to admit, I feel a little bit like Ross. And not just because Ross is my least favorite Friend.
Have you seen the Friends episode where Ross is going through a tough time after losing his job on account of his RAGE, and then he starts dating JANICE?
And then, at the end, JANICE breaks it off because Ross is too whiney and annoying… for JANICE.
Here’s a transcript of the scene:
Janice: You’re a very sweet person Ross. Um, unfortunately I don’t think I can take another second of you whining!
Ross: Let me make sure I’m hearing this right. You… you’re ending this with me because I’m too whiney? So you’re saying I’ve become so whiney that I annoy you–Janice.
Janice: Well, yeah.
Ross: OH… MY… GOD!
Up there is a clip of the last half of the episode. If you can’t see it, go here.
And can I just say, if my brain is clear enough to figure out how to embed a freaking video? People, I am back. Although, I don’t know how to make it show you just the clip I want. Cut me some slack.
Anyway, my point?
I’ve been self-centered. I’ve been whiney. I’ve been a huge Debbie Downer. And maybe not everyone who reads here or follows me on twitter noticed, but I’m pretty sure the people I whined to noticed.
*coughMeghancoughKimcoughMauracoughKellycough*
So I’m here to say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being the friend I’d like to be. I’m sorry for being whiney and annoying enough to make JANICE break up with me.
Forgive me?
I promise that if you do, the next time I have the opportunity, the first round’s on me.
*wink*
oh, and? the fact that spellcheck wants me to change whiney to whitey makes me laugh. hard.
Author: Dre
Blythe will be turning three this May, and it’s important to me that I find a suitable preschool for her before her birthday.
With Alison, I started looking for preschools right around her first birthday (anal retentive, much?) and I toured dozens before I found the right one for her to attend at age three. I assumed Blythe would attend the same school, and even began working there a few months ago, in an attempt to get the staff ready for dealing with Blythe’s food allergies.
But then, I stopped being in denial about the fact that Blythe has Special Needs. The truth of the matter is, most preschools – even amazing, incredible ones – aren’t prepared to handle kids with Special Needs, and when those needs are life threatening, as in Blythe’s case, there just isn’t room for error.
With Alison, I did all the researching, touring, and deciding without her input. With Blythe’s Sensory Processing Disorder, I knew she would have to be involved in the search. I don’t see, hear, or smell things the way she does, so I am pretty much unqualified to choose a preschool for her on my own.
Today, Blythe and I spent an hour auditing a small, in-home preschool run by a sweet German lady, whom I’ll call Frau. The school isn’t specifically for Special Needs kids, but Frau has a lot of experience with Autism and food allergies, so she will have no problem accommodating Blythe.
Random bonus? Jeremy and I have been teaching the kids German and Spanish (what little our addled brains can recall, that is) since they were in the womb, so Blythe may end up being bilingual, after all.
I’ve made a list of “Pro’s and Con’s” to file away and compare to other preschools when the time comes to make a decision, but so far, the list of “Pro’s” is a mile long. At the top, in big block letters, is the fact that Blythe was instantly comfortable in the environment.
I also really like the way Frau has coordinated the curriculum. They study one subject per week (math, science, reading, social studies) so that even kids who only attend one day a week – as Blythe would, to start out – get a well rounded learning experience.
Another huge “Pro” is that while Frau’s preschool is structured, she also allows for individuality. Case in point: one of the kids today was having a hard time concentrating on the task at hand, and so she gave him the option of either participating or playing elsewhere, quietly.
And because of that, none of the other kids got distracted and the child in question didn’t have a melt-down. Blythe needs that kind of environment – at least at this stage, and definitely at this age.
And? It’s clean, organized, and child friendly. Frau’s kids are all grown and one of her grandkids (who calls her Oma, cue flashback to my childhood in Germany!) attends the preschool. Frau looks like a Grandma, which I think is one of the reasons Blythe was so immediately comfortable with her.
I’m excited about Blythe’s prospects. I’m excited about our meeting with Frau and her assistant, about focusing on the next step in Blythe’s development, about continuing to tour schools that have been recommended by the parents of other Special Needs kids. I’m excited about it all.
My baby is growing up! And for now, that thought doesn’t terrify me one bit.
Disclaimer: This post is long. Mainly because I was a wimp and didn’t post the first part last week, as I should have. So, two posts in one = long ass post. In fact, the first night I took the Tryptophan, I had a good night of sleep for the first time in nearly ten years. It is my new best friend. The next few weeks will be rough, I know that. But I am so excited about the future. I am incredibly happy to start getting to know my true self again, and to introduce her to all of you. Thank you for supporting me as I navigate the journey that is my life – it means so very much to me.
Nine months ago, I was suffering from depression and anxiety so severe, I felt as though I was struggling to live my life from the bottom of a deep hole.
Fortunately, I have a wonderful doctor who gently suggested that I try some medication, coupled with therapy. Just for a little while, just to make it so that I could put one foot in front of the other without feeling completely overwhelmed.
The plan, initially, was for me to start with 10mg of Lexapro and re-evaluate my situation in nine months. I have no doubt that Lexapro saved me from myself. Because of it, I was able to function, to interact with people, to care for my kids in a manner that was acceptable to me.
However… for the past few months, the side effects from the Lexapro have been outweighing the benefits. I feel myself walking through a constant fog of apathy accentuated with days of extreme sadness. Every single aspect of my life feels overwhelming, and yet I have no energy or desire to tackle even the smallest item on my to-do list. No matter what I eat, or how little I eat, I gain an average of 2-3 pounds per week. Even worse, my body fat percentage jumped six percent in four weeks.
I complain, constantly, and can’t see the sunshine in my life, even as it blinds me.
Four weeks ago, I decided that I need to either up my dosage of Lexapro, or kick it to the curb.
Me? I choose to reclaim my life, and quit the meds with a plan in place, a safety net, and my therapist on speed-dial.
———
I wrote that last week. I never published it, because I wasn’t sure I would go through with it. I had little confidence in my ability to swallow that last pill and walk away.
But today? Today is day four without my meds. Today I feel amazing. Today I feel as though the fog is lifting and I can see my surroundings for the first time in a very, very long time.
And, bonus – my body fat has already dropped 2% with no exercise what-so-ever. Unless wearing my Sketchers Shape-Ups while sitting on the couch reading People Magazine counts as exercise. Doubtful.
I have experienced some negative side-effects from Lexapro Withdrawal so far. The worst, for me, is the vertigo and the muscle cramps. I have also experienced some brain zaps, a racing heart, and short bouts of rage and crying. But I know they are temporary. And thanks to an amazing therapist and an incredible book, I know how to fight them and an even mor
My saving grace has been the book Depression Free, Naturally, written by Joan Mathews Larson, PH.D. who works in conjunction with the Health Recovery Center. My friend Kelly, who is familiar with my struggles, recommended I read this book.
By the way, Kelly – I owe you, big time. This book helped me to create a plan for myself, not only for the days and weeks following my last dosage of Lexapro, but for keeping myself mentally and hormonally healthy for the rest of my life.
Currently, to combat the horrid side effects of Lexapro Withdrawal, I am taking the following supplements:
Breakfast:
3 – Amino Acid Combos
1 – B Vitamin Complex
1 – Omega 3
1 – Magnesium
1 – Chewable Vit. C
Lunch:
1 – B Vitamin Complex
3 – Amino Acid Combos
1 – Iron
1 – Zinc
After Dinner:
3 – Amino Acid Combos
1 – B Vitamin Complex
1 – Chewable Vit. C
2 – Tryptophan
And, when I need it for anxiety, I’m taking Hyland’s Nerve Tonic.
I know that seems like a lot, and it is! But without these, my symptoms would be much, much worse. Based on my research, the symptoms of Lexapro Withdrawal can be so severe that normally sane people contemplate suicide, hear voices, and go without sleep for weeks at a time. I didn’t want that to be me.
Categories
We Have a Winner!
Congratulations to Debbie in Memphis, who correctly guessed which two items I did not find under my bed!
What I did find:
1. Dirty T-Shirt
2. Almost empty container of Planter’s Dry Roasted Peanuts
4. Used Flosser
5. Popsicle Stick
6. Crusty Paper Plate
7. Paper Towel with a Big Spot on it
9. Granola Bar Wrapper
10. Jar of Peanut Butter
11. 2 Dirty Socks – That Don’t Match
Debbie correctly guessed that neither #2 – a half eaten cookie or #8 – a bowl with gooey ice cream at the bottom, were found under my bed. She wins the $25 gift card to In-n-Out Burger, or something equally delicious if she’d prefer, since Memphis doesn’t seem to have an In-n-Out Burger.
In which case, stay tuned: the gift card may resurface the next time I clean the space under my bed.
Unless I get a hankering for a burger between now and then.
I cleaned under my bed today, and while it hasn’t really been all that long – maybe 4 days? – I found a pile of garbage. On my husband’s side, of course.
Your task: read the following list and pick which TWO items I DIDN’T find under my bed, and I’ll send you a $25 gift card to In-N-Out Burger!
Unless, of course, you’re Meghan, or you just don’t have one near you, in which case I’ll send you a gift card for something else that happens to be delicious, based on your preference. And on what gift cards I happen to have in my junk drawer at the time.
1. Dirty T-Shirt
2. Almost empty container of Planter’s Dry Roasted Peanuts
3. Half Eaten Cookie
4. Used Flosser
5. Popsicle Stick
6. Crusty Paper Plate
7. Paper Towel with a Big Spot on it
8. Bowl with Gooey Ice Cream at the Bottom
9. Granola Bar Wrapper
10. Jar of Peanut Butter
11. 2 Dirty Socks – That Don’t Match
You have until…. hmmm… Tuesday 1/19/10 at 5:00 pm Pacific to enter your guess (2 guesses, maximum, unless nobody actually enters and then my five readers can guess as much as they want), at which time I’ll post a photo of what I actually found.
Good Luck! And tell your friends!