I love a good glass of wine. And when I say good, I don’t mean that in an I know what I’m talking about sort of way. No, unfortunately all those educational wine tours of the Napa Valley were wasted on my undiscriminating palate. I don’t know a wine with good aroma from a stinky glass of squished grapes. But when I find something I like, and can enjoy it in my thin-lipped, over-sized, free glass from Twomey?
So tonight, the baby is in bed, Alison is out swimming with her dad, and I am free to enjoy the bottle of White Merlot I finally found in stock. I just had to find my favorite wine glass first. Is it telling that boxes of baby food have taken over the cupboard where the wine glasses are kept, and I only just now noticed?
Category: Food
Categories
Wacky Cake : A Cautionary Tale
I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it before, but I’m a great wife. So when it comes time for Jeremy to have a birthday, I like to give him what he wants. Keep your minds out of the gutter, people – what he likes is stuff like ice cream and cake. I’m normally pretty handy in the kitchen, but ever since this whole no-egg, no-corn thing, I’m a rookie chef all over again. Fortunately, there’s this great thing called the innernets, or something, that allows me to search for (and find!) recipes for just about everything. 1 1/2 cups whole wheat graham flour (any old flour will do for you non-allergics) Well, wait. Maybe not yet. When the wacky cake recipe tells you to wait until the cake is cool before removing it from the pan, they don’t just mean not hot. And also? You’ll need some frosting on your cake, but if you’re looking to make a no-egg, no-corn frosting, you’d better do some more searching. If one of your favorite bloggers happens to post a recipe for frosting that contains no egg or corn mere days before you need one, maybe God is smiling down on you, and angels are singing hallelujah. Or you could just be lucky, but whatever. Only, people? When she says beat until stiff, you and your husband can go ahead and snicker all you want. But don’t think that pretty stiff is good enough, just because your arm is tired. Go back to elementary school where you learned how to follow directions, because otherwise this is what your cake will look like: You’ll offer up your tasty confections when your husband arrives home from work. You and your kids will sing him “Happy Birthday” and maybe give him a foot rub (not to say any of this actually happened). Once again, you’ll be thought of as a great wife. If you happen to have a great husband, he’ll go ahead and eat your falling apart, drippy wacky cake without complaint, anyway.
Case in point: I found a recipe for Wacky Cake which originates from the South during the Depression Era. Ergo, it has no eggs because all the chickens dried up back then.
To make a Wacky Cake you combine all of the dry ingredients in a bowl:
1 cup organic sugar
3 tbsp unsweetened cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp granular sea salt
Once these are nice and stirred up, you make three wells (2 small, 1 large) for your wet ingredients, which are 1 tsp vanilla, 1 tsp vinegar, 5 tbsp vegetable oil:
Does anyone else see a creepy face in the bowl? Maybe that’s why it’s called Wacky Cake.
Next you pour a cup of cold water over the top of the creepy face, and stir until moistened. Pour into a small cake pan, bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes, and voilà. You’re a great wife, just like me.
When your husband’s birthday cake looks like that, you may not earn your great wife rating from your efforts in the kitchen, alone. You’ll end up like me, making another batch of Wacky Cake batter, and busting out the mixer again and getting a sore arm again, until the mixture truly is stiff. All for a dozen or so cupcakes, which your daughter will thoroughly enjoy frosting in her own unique style.
My friend Kimberly and I have been through a lot together. What started out as a friendship of convenience ~ our husbands played softball and coached wrestling together ~ ended up being a relationship of lasting endurance. Almost 10 years later, we’ve been in each other’s weddings, through pregnancies and births, hardships and good times. When I was in the ICU, determined to continue breast feeding a 2 week old Blythe but unable to use my own tainted milk, Kim stepped up and donated her own. While some people might go, “Ew?”, I can say with conviction, it was the absolute best thing for Blythe. I’ll forever be grateful for that amazing gift – and what have you done for your friends lately? Kim managed to not only get ready for the shower with an 18 month old in tow, she also managed to make this beautiful strawberry creation. One of the guests liked it so much, she asked Kim to make another one for a bridal shower the following day. Since it’s made of diapers (you can get your own at www.hippeebaby.com) the standard answer was never.
I was particularly impressed, given my own attempt at a beautiful strawberry creation just a few weeks prior. Good thing one of us knows what we’re doing, because mine would have taken the whole affair down a few notches on the class rung.
And how freaking cute is this cake? 
The girl-child in the picture is about to be a big sister, and how freaking cute is she? There’s a funny story that goes along with this cake, and it involves a one-armed woman absconding with it mere minutes before the shower was to start. Kim had me in stitches trying to imagine said woman attempting to both carry the cake and get the car door open, but I digress.
No one tried to steal the other cake featured at the shower, although a couple of children asked when we were going to eat it.
I’m sorry, but I forgot to take a photo of the invitations I made, which were also adorned with buttons. I started out sewing them on but 5 buttons per invitation times 40 invitations divided by small children running around my house = I don’t even know, but after about 5 of them I switched to applying ZOTS and got them done, thank JESUS.
Everything was beautiful and the food was delicious – or so I hear… I was on the no-corn, no-egg diet by then and just had to smell everyone’s food and cake. Only one small thing marred the day, and that was my beloved TARGET, failing to update the registry. Nothing’s worse, I think, than watching someone open four of the exact same gift, especially when they are large, pink bathtubs. Oh, Target, you hurt me so.
Categories
And then there was Chocolate
Last night Jeremy and I went grocery shopping sans kids. We might or might not be counting it as a date, since we were “alone”, food was involved, and money was spent. We’re grasping at straws, I know, but we take what we can get.
Two people who are on restricted diets (Jeremy for armwrestling, me for Blythe’s allergies) and therefore in a constant state of hunger should not grocery shop without intervention. Not unless they have recently consumed large quantities of… well, whatever it is they can eat. Lettuce? Apples? One quarter cup of plain brown rice? There is something tempting on every end cap, yummy smells wafting through the air. Oh, the agony.
Normally I pick and choose which organics to buy, because last time I checked, money does not come out of any of my orfices. But those organic people, they really know how to make some food without corn or egg additives. So regardless of how expensive it was (and believe me, it was) I put it in the cart last night. It all looked so tempting and delicious. Some of it didn’t even make it all the way to the car before being torn open, much less all the way home. Did I mention we were hungry? I need something besides fruit and vegetables. I need some fat and junk and a slab of beef. And maybe a milkshake. I’m wasting away here, people.
And then God created Organic and Specialty Chocolate, and it was good.
Can I just say, yum? Specialty chocolate or not, this is the best I’ve ever had. The kind on the right boasts all sorts of antioxidants and no gicky corn fillers. It has little chunks of cranberries, blueberries and almonds. They get stuck in your teeth but it’s actually quite pleasant. Disappointed that your square of chocolate is gone? Don’t fret, you can enjoy the little chocolatey cranberries for at least another five minutes, like a little gift left behind by the chocolate fairy.
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Ever Diligent
You know how I’m totally anal-retentive? Well maybe you don’t, but I am. So now you know. I’ve been trying to relax more over the past couple of years. It takes a long time to unclench, let me tell you. Perfectionism is a disease. The symptoms are fanatical attention to detail and constantly feeling overwhelmed. If this is you, maybe we could start a support group. Or a daily margarita group, which ever.
I used to be a Reader Of Labels. Alison was on such a mother-imposed, restricted diet (until she started preschool, where they gently pushed me out the door) that we never left the house without our snack bag, lest we get hungry and have no healthy choices. The sphincter has been permanently at half-mast regarding food more recently because I’ve realized that if we eat healthy for the most part, life is a lot more fun. And I’m a lot easier to live with.
But then. Monday we found out for certain that Blythe has food allergies, to eggs and corn. She didn’t even cry when they did the scratch test.
So, hello food labels. Hello, natural food store, with your patchouli smell and helpful staff. I’ve missed you. I’m back, all clenched and ready for action.