Teaching – Life on a Tightrope

*Oops, I forgot to publish this on Tuesday. See? What a day.*

Three day weekends are great and all, but if Tuesday mornings end up being like this, I’d rather just skip the holiday, thank you very much.

Warning! Bitch session begins in 3…2…1:

Last night I had a little crying bout, probably because I *ahem* went off my meds without permission and felt the need to keep Jeremy up until midnight talking about my emotional issues. He was great about it, truly. And when he started snoring I stopped talking. Eventually.

This morning my alarm *somehow* got shut off and I slept, all cozy and warm, until 15 minutes after the kids were supposed to be up. Why is it they’re up at 5 am on Saturday, but they sleep in on weekdays when I need them to get me out of bed on time?

I put in a movie and threw food at them so that I could hop in the shower. Of course I had to shave because it’s a teaching day for me, which means a skirt. And no, I won’t go hairy just because they’re preschoolers. They have a knack for not only noticing things like hairy legs and armpits, but also for asking questions about them.

Imagine this: “Hey Teacha? Why you legs got prickles? My mommy doesn’t got those, but my daddy does. Teacha, are you a boy?” Only 20 times and with a lot more snot.

Finally washed and shaved, I was getting dressed when Alison announced that Blythe pooped. She’s potty trained, so I wasn’t too worried until Blythe came in with her little sad face and said, “I had uh assident, mommy” and pointed at the poop all down her leg.

Clean clean clean… wipe wipe wipe.

And where did she poop? On the floor of her room, naturally. Glance at the clock. Holy crap, cleancleanclean-wipewipewipe.

Alison wanted her hair pink today, so I coated her ponytail with that spray on stuff for Halloween, because I am just the coolest mom on the planet. Of course once we arrived at school, Alison realized other kids were going to *gasp* notice! And talk to her! Because she had pink hair!

So I had to clean it off, and it’s not like we were early or even on time at that point.

I arrived at work only a couple of minutes late, and only a little bedraggled, and ready to face the day. Until now I’ve somehow avoided having to take the entire 2 year old class to the bathroom for a potty break, but, hey! today was as good a day as any to break me in.

Let me just say, dealing with my own kids’ poop is one thing – but other kids? I seriously had a hard time not gagging. Multiple wet pants, lots of hand washing, and I accidentally left one kid behind when we went back to class.

All three of my classes today were out of freaking control. What is it about 3 day weekends that makes kids act like complete maniacs?

Hmmmm. Maybe it’s because their mom put on a movie and threw random food at them this morning, so that she could take a shower….

I started a Brand! New! Job! yesterday.

I’m teaching two mornings a week at the preschool Alison attended, which is also where Blythe will be going. Not only am I looking forward to the rewarding blah, blah, blah, but I’m also excited about all the blog fodder these kids are going to provide me with.

From my first day:

A 3 year old, putting on his shoes, looks at my feet and says:

Boy: ” Hey Teacha, why you shoes little like mines?”

Me: “That’s just the size of my feet.”

Boy: “Oh, sowwy you feet didn’t growed.”

Me, torn between letting it drop and correcting his grammar: “Uhh…. thanks.”

I’ll admit, I was a little nervous about my patience level. I’ve taught preschool before, and I was damn good at it, too, but that was before I became a parent. I never lost my patience back then, when I got to walk away from children at the end of the day and go do whatever the hell I wanted.

Now that I have been home with my own kids for nearly six years… let’s just say, my bullshit threshold is a ~~lot~~ tad lower. I was worried I couldn’t hack it.

But teaching was great, awesome, and wonderful in so many ways that each of them deserves their own dedicated and thoughtful post. Which I don’t have time to share at the moment, because it’s not like I traded in any of my other responsibilities when I donned my new teaching hat.

The one drawback to my new job is that it’s a fairly structured school which means, you guessed it, a dress code. For me.

So, today Blythe and I took a trip to Target where I pre-spent my first paycheck on pants and shoes, because my closet goes: jeans – flip-flops – fancy. And you’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting a bunch of preschoolers wipe their ~~snot~~ paint on my fancy pants.